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I remember learning to write thank you notes as a kid. I grew up in Iowa, a distance from my Minnesota relatives, which meant that every holiday and birthday I had to sit down and write a seemingly endless series of letters that went something like this: “Thank you very much for the _________. I love it. I will use it when I ________. How is the weather? It is snowing here. Say ‘hi’ to __________. See you next summer! Love, Betsy.” I was really thankful. And although it felt tedious at the time, this practice was important in many ways (including improving my penmanship). One significant lesson was to be in communication with loved ones, which cannot be underestimated or done enough. The other was that gratitude is an interruption. To be authentically thankful you must pause. You must stop doing what you’re doing. You must notice what you [...]

Just the other day I was talking to one of the women who participate in a Tiara coaching program. She wanted some support because she was feeling really angry. She told me, “I am angry and irritable and I feel ashamed I feel this way but I don’t know what to do about it.” And as we talked further it was readily apparent that her anger was getting in the way of her life and what mattered to her most: being loving, kind, forgiving, generous, and effective and from making a difference in the lives of others. The truth is you wouldn’t be human if you never got angry. And anger is not all bad. It can be a useful signal that change is necessary and actually activate you to take action. Yet often anger can also be toxic to our health, relationships, and quality of life. Here are some [...]

Years ago it was simply NOT OK to show your emotions at work.  Women who did were seen as weak or worse, incompetent. I remember back in the 90’s, I was constantly being told by my mentor and boss to leave the emotional and personal stuff at the door when I entered my office.  Compartmentalizing is something I think most men do very well, but for whatever reason,  I have seen few women excel at this skill.  I too was able to do it for a short time, but eventually I realized I couldn’t operate this way.  I was shutting down a big part of myself and it wasn’t making me a better professional, it was actually making me worse.  For me, it brought out my impatience and it gave me tunnel vision for results at any cost; maybe effective for the short-term but not an effective long-term leadership model. [...]

We hear about the value of vision boards and thinking big. And, I agree. Achieving 60% of a big dream beats achieving 60% of smaller version of the same dream. Actively envisioning what it will look and feel like when you’ve gotten what you want, helps you see and clarify potential actions you might take towards making your desires a reality. And, I think it’s fun to look forward to things. An important and great part of the experience of a vacation for me is in the anticipation of the trip: looking forward to it, thinking about how enjoyable it will be, and telling everyone about my upcoming travel plans! So, why do I stop myself so often from wanting what I really want?  Couldn’t that help me get what I want? Couldn’t it be fun to imagine what it’ll be like to get what I want? So, why stop myself? I let [...]